Scared..

Have you ever just lay down some where and began to think to yourself about a whole bunch of things, and eventually it scares the living crap out of you. I have done this countless times before and it just happened again today. I began thinking about death, for example how am I going to die, what is it going to feel like, if I die right now will I make it to heaven. All those things just freak me out to no end. I guess if you would ask me one thing that I am afraid of it would have to be the fear of dying. It is scary because really you do not know how you are going to pass away, heck you could get shot, stabbed, or just die of old age.

But through everything what freaks me out the greatest is I know I will make it with my heavenly father when I die, I just can not see that it is going to be for eternity. I mean eternity seems like a long long time, your spirit will continue to live forever. I guess what I am trying to say is won't we eventually get bored someday? Run out of things to do? I have been alive for 21 years now and that is not even on the timetable how long I will be in heaven and I thought 21 years was a long time. I do not know maybe that is bad of me but won't we run out of things to do. But along with that, who will I meet in heaven when I eventually die, my best friends, famous people?

Maybe all of this is Satan trying to get to me that the afterlife is not that great. I must admit I have been aloof from God lately. I really have no excuse , for example I have been getting really mad over stupid things that I usually do not get mad about. That just seals the fact that I need to have a relationship with God and really mean it this time. I have taken so many things for granted because I have everything that I have always wanted. But I know for a fact at any time God has the power to take that away from me. I believe I should re-surrender to my heavenly father and for fill his destiny for me, and finally be the christ follower he wants me to be, before it is to late.